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The
 Top
10…
Of things heard
in Scotland on our recent trip.
10) Take
off that cap. (It’s very rude to wear a
cap indoors in Scotland)
9) With
ice and fruit? (Asked by the server when
you order a soft drink)
8)
What’s the difference between lager and
ale? (Lager is carbonated; ale is not)
7) I
can’t believe a burger costs $15.00.
(7.50 pounds = $15.00 American, yikes)
6) How
many liters are in a gallon? (No idea,
but it cost $125.00 to fill our gas
tank)
5) What
time is it back home? (Easy, it’s six
hours time difference.)
4) Have
you tried haggis yet? (No, not even.)
3) On a
clear day, you can see Carnoustie from
here. (Supposedly. I think the locals
are
conning the tourists to see how many
claim that they can.)
2)
I think you better hit another one.
(From your caddy and/or playing
partners)
1) I
think we can find that one. (From your
caddy. Your playing partners aren’t
looking for your lousy shot in that
sticky gorse bush)
Best gifts for a
golfer…(06/11/08)
10) A
GEN-U-WINE Golf it Up Radio golf cap…of
course!
9) A
lesson with the club pro on how to
nonchalantly line up his fourth putt.
8) A
golf bag with room for a full set of
clubs AND a six pack of beer.
7) A
40-foot long ball retriever.
6) A
guidebook detailing the best times to
give the ranger the finger.
5)
One-year membership in “Driver of the
Month Club”
4) A
copy of the book, “100 Best Excuses for
your lousy golf game.”
3) A
tennis racket.
2) A
fantasy round of golf with Natalie
Gulbis.
1) A
fantasy evening of hot tubbing with
Natalie Gulbis!
Ways to know if
your golf partner is cheating…
(05/14/08)
10) He’s
always the last one to turn in his
scorecard at the club
tournament.
9) He
always wants to take his own cart.
8) He
always wants to take the fastest
cart.
7) He
always finds his ball when my back is
turned.
6) He
always wins the closest to pin and long
drive contests in every outing.
Especially
when
he’s in the last group to play that
hole.
5) He
always makes a production of counting
his strokes on the green, pointing back
towards the fairway. It seems like he
manages to forget one here and there.
4) He
regularly starts with three balls in the
cart and when we finish he only has one
left
and yet never has a lost ball.
3)
He always
asks me what I made on the hole before
telling me what he had.
2)
He always
needs to pick up his ball to identify
it…then hits driver out of the rough.
1) He
always triple bogeys #17 & #18 after
closing me out on 16.
New Year’s Golf Resolutions for 2008…
(05/07/08)
10) I will stop taking more than two
mulligans per hole.
9) I will not risk my life climbing
down the side of a ravine to retrieve a
golf ball that I
found anyway.
8) I will find out where my course’s
practice range and putting green are and
pledge to
actually use them this year.
7) I will not bore my friends with
shot by shot recounts of my last round.
I know they
don’t care, I just can’t help
myself.
6) I will no longer say that some tour
player “choked” since I get so nervous
putting for
a 99 that I’m afraid that I’m
going lose control over my bodily
functions.
5) I will stop telling my wife that
I’m addicted to watching LPGA golf on
television
only because they have such
beautiful golf swings.
4) I will stop aiming at the guy in
the range cart.
3) I will come up with a good excuse
for drinking beer at 9am on the first
tee.
2) I will not suggest swing
corrections to my opponent during a
round…unless I’m way
behind.
1) I
will stop rooting for my opponent’s ball
to go out of bounds…at least not loud
enough for him to hear me.
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