The Golf it up Radio Top Ten
Golf it Up Radio Top 10 list of "Advice from the Men's Room"...
#10 Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
# 9 Form a loose grip.
# 8 Keep your head down.
# 7 Avoid a quick backswing.
# 6 Stay out of the water.
# 5 Try not to hit anyone.
# 4 If you are taking too long, let others go ahead of you.
# 3 Don't stand directly in front of others.
# 2 Quiet please...while others are preparing.
# 1 Don't take extra strokes.
Now, flush the urinal and go tee off!
Of things heard in Scotland on our recent trip.
10) Take off that cap. (It’s very rude to wear a cap indoors in Scotland)
9) With ice and fruit? (Asked by the server when you order a soft drink)
8) What’s the difference between lager and ale? (Lager is carbonated; ale is not)
7) I can’t believe a burger costs $15.00. (7.50 pounds = $15.00 American, yikes)
6) How many liters are in a gallon? (No idea, but it cost $125.00 to fill our gas tank)
5) What time is it back home? (Easy, it’s six hours time difference.)
4) Have you tried haggis yet? (No, not even.)
3) On a clear day, you can see Carnoustie from here. (Supposedly. I think the locals are conning the tourists to see how many claim that they can.)
2) I think you better hit another one. (From your caddy and/or playing partners)
1) I think we can find that one. (From your caddy. Your playing partners aren’t looking for your lousy shot in that sticky gorse bush)
Best gifts for a golfer…
10) A GEN-U-WINE Golf it Up Radio golf cap…of course!
9) A lesson with the club pro on how to nonchalantly line up his fourth putt.
8) A golf bag with room for a full set of clubs AND a six pack of beer.
7) A 40-foot long ball retriever.
6) A guidebook detailing the best times to give the ranger the finger.
5) One-year membership in “Driver of the Month Club”
4) A copy of the book, “100 Best Excuses for your lousy golf game.”
3) A tennis racket.
2) A fantasy round of golf with Natalie Gulbis.
1) A fantasy evening of hot tubbing with Natalie Gulbis!
Ways to know if your golf partner is cheating…
10) He’s always the last one to turn in his scorecard at the club tournament.
9) He always wants to take his own cart.
8) He always wants to take the fastest cart.
7) He always finds his ball when my back is turned.
6) He always wins the closest to pin and long drive contests in every outing. Especially when he’s in the last group to play that hole.
5) He always makes a production of counting his strokes on the green, pointing back towards the fairway. It seems like he manages to forget one here and there.
4) He regularly starts with three balls in the cart and when we finish he only has one left and yet never has a lost ball.
3) He always asks me what I made on the hole before telling me what he had.
2) He always needs to pick up his ball to identify it…then hits driver out of the rough.
1) He always triple bogeys #17 & #18 after closing me out on 16.
New Year’s Golf Resolutions…
10) I will stop taking more than two mulligans per hole.
9) I will not risk my life climbing down the side of a ravine to retrieve a golf ball that I found anyway.
8) I will find out where my course’s practice range and putting green are and pledge to actually use them this year.
7) I will not bore my friends with shot by shot recounts of my last round. I know they don’t care, I just can’t help myself.
6) I will no longer say that some tour player “choked” since I get so nervous putting for a 99 that I’m afraid that I’m going lose control over my bodily functions.
5) I will stop telling my wife that I’m addicted to watching LPGA golf on television only because they have such beautiful golf swings.
4) I will stop aiming at the guy in the range cart.
3) I will come up with a good excuse for drinking beer at 9am on the first tee.
2) I will not suggest swing corrections to my opponent during a round…unless I’m way behind.
1) I will stop rooting for my opponent’s ball to go out of bounds…at least not loud enough for him to hear me.